|This is my issue....
||[Feb. 22nd, 2004|05:30 pm]
|||||Buddy rich Big Band - birdland||]|
I don't trust him.
I've always run circles in my head when I think of this boy, and I think I finally figured out what always picks at the back of my head. I don't trust him. It's not that I don't trust his word, or that I don't trust what he says... I mean, so far, he's proven very trustworthy, and I haven't had a single problem with him.
But I wouldn't trust him with everything.
He would not be allowed in my sketchbook. I became VERY protective of those after Freshman year, since they're not only my sketches, but both my written and drawn journals, my thoughts. I allow my professors to go through them, and a select number of female friends. I allow my roommates on occasion to go through them, and classmates, so long as they understand they are NOT to be read.
Hell. The only people allowed to look as well as read are pretty much Kristin, Alaina, and Vinx. In that order. Because they're the people who have lived through my dramas... Kristin has stuck with me through thick and thin and played therapist, Alaina has offered me hope and love and solutions, and Vinx has just listened and supported. (Which is odd, that he's on this list. I don't know why I trust THAT boy. I mean.. I met him twice. Alaina I've known almost 6 years, kristin 4 years.)
The thing with this boy I'm seeing... is that he wouldn't even be allowed to LOOK. NOt even crack the spine. Funny. I can be physical with him, but I can't allow myself to open up to him without flares of paranoia flying up.....