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Last night...on the mass pike... I fell in love with you... [Feb. 9th, 2004|04:21 pm]
poisonous_boys

satsukei
[mood |amusedamused]
[music |Vinx - Virgo]

NEXT WEEK!!!!!

NEXTWEEKNEXTWEEKNEXTWEEK!!!!!!

...yeah. I'm so addicted. ^^;;

But my film prof mentioned our test was on the 19th!!! and I was just... wait... the 19th... that's the Paris show... so therefore... HE'LL BE BACK BY THURSDAY NIGHT!!!!!

SQUEEEEEEE!!!!!!!

.....yeah. I'm so normal. Yup yup.

Besides that... DUDE! IT LOOKS LIKE A BASEBALL HIT MY THROAT! ...not that I'm complaining. I must admit, the boy is good at what he does. Kudos, kudos. Just rough enough, though I think my parents might start looking into male order groom. At least that way they'd know a LITTLE about my highly secretive sex life.

And John is gone. So never kissing the boy again. After being up all night last night, and talking to friends, I've come to a relevation. The boys acts the same was towards girls Eric did... Flirt with many, catch one, and then make her your center. Mind you... he's not as demonic and twisted as Eric was, but still...

It's kinda nice to finally figure out why half of me wanted to date him, and the other half was screaming 'HELLO?! RUN ALREADY!!!'

Mm. Virgo came on at 5am this morning. The strange synth tune he put in it woke me up... but... well... I love having those two songs. I miss hearing his voice so much. I can't wait to talk to him next week... gush gush....
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I absolutely despise being in love... [Feb. 8th, 2004|10:53 pm]
poisonous_boys

satsukei
[mood |curiouscurious]
[music |Nine days - story of a girl.]

...yet not having the object of my affections here.

It just makes me so paranoid. I live my life off body language. I can tell anything from body language. I always find my strength in body language. But right now?

BLAH.

I wish I could just be with him. Just for a day. And that would decide everything. However, I'm boggled down by life right now and can't manage to get the courage to say screw everything and go and find OUT.

And the internet and phone systems are just so... boring?

I want to hear his voice again. And hear him do stupid things to try and make me laugh. And have him tell me all these amazing things. But instead... instead I'm here. Waiting waiting waiting...

oh. And sewing. I love sewing. Getting alot of costumes done, so at least there's a partial plus side to all of this?
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So I'm back at my apartment again... [Feb. 8th, 2004|06:44 pm]
poisonous_boys

satsukei
..I hate priorities. I hate when everyone's priorities around you shift, and suddenly everyone's expectations of you shift, and you're trapped in this cycle of ongoing confusion about what people expect of you, what you expect of yourself, and what expectations you must meet.

...not much sense in there, right?

So, I was under the impression that when I went home this weekend, Jen would sit me down, like usual, and we'd bang out costumes. Instead, I was expected to bang out costumes, by myself, and just randomly kidnap her. (It seems at least.) SO she got angry with me when I waited for her, and then I got annoyed at her because she wasn't telling me what to work on, and then I became frustrated with myself because no work was getting done because I didn't bring my sewing machine, thinking we'd be working TOGETHOR, and in general...?

No work was done.

So now it's almost 7pm, on Sunday, with the fashion show a month away, and I'm nowhere near completion of ANYTHING.

In fact? I'm a little confused as to why I'm bothering with Merveilles. Mostly, since it seems that Jen won't be going to fanime anywhays, since SHE'S GOING TO JAPAN AGAIN. But please, make sure you buy this this this and this for me before hand. I'm making Mana because I've always loved Mana... but why am I making Kozi? She's not going to wear it, and I think she realizes this, and just wants to try and prove some strange twisted point, which is driving me half mad....

So, I went out with Alaina on Saturday night. I didn't expect to be gone with her for some 7+ hours, true, and I suspect Jen thought I would come home at some point as well, but... I'm tired of no one speaking to me. Or no one speaking to Jen. Or everyone fighting in general.

So the Decision? I'm only going home when required. As in, have a dentist appt. Need to pick something up. Etc. I'm not going back to Ludlow until AFTER the fashion show. I feel so pressured by this thing right now... it's looming over my head, only a month away, and most of my costumes are still pieces of fabric on the floor. I'm TIRED of hearing about how I have to do all this work for AnimeBoston, because the truth of it all is, I don't. Jen CONSTANTLY reminds me I'm not a staffer. Shoves it in my face that I have no official ties. That I shouldn't know ANYTHING. So fine. I'm just too tired to listen anymore...

Sometimes, you wake up, and you just want to think about NOTHING. Not a single conflict, not a single assignment, not anything that might disrupt your day. And because of that, EVERYTHING gets done.... I haven't had one of those days in a long long time.
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