|So I'm back at my apartment again...
||[Feb. 8th, 2004|06:44 pm]
..I hate priorities. I hate when everyone's priorities around you shift, and suddenly everyone's expectations of you shift, and you're trapped in this cycle of ongoing confusion about what people expect of you, what you expect of yourself, and what expectations you must meet. |
...not much sense in there, right?
So, I was under the impression that when I went home this weekend, Jen would sit me down, like usual, and we'd bang out costumes. Instead, I was expected to bang out costumes, by myself, and just randomly kidnap her. (It seems at least.) SO she got angry with me when I waited for her, and then I got annoyed at her because she wasn't telling me what to work on, and then I became frustrated with myself because no work was getting done because I didn't bring my sewing machine, thinking we'd be working TOGETHOR, and in general...?
No work was done.
So now it's almost 7pm, on Sunday, with the fashion show a month away, and I'm nowhere near completion of ANYTHING.
In fact? I'm a little confused as to why I'm bothering with Merveilles. Mostly, since it seems that Jen won't be going to fanime anywhays, since SHE'S GOING TO JAPAN AGAIN. But please, make sure you buy this this this and this for me before hand. I'm making Mana because I've always loved Mana... but why am I making Kozi? She's not going to wear it, and I think she realizes this, and just wants to try and prove some strange twisted point, which is driving me half mad....
So, I went out with Alaina on Saturday night. I didn't expect to be gone with her for some 7+ hours, true, and I suspect Jen thought I would come home at some point as well, but... I'm tired of no one speaking to me. Or no one speaking to Jen. Or everyone fighting in general.
So the Decision? I'm only going home when required. As in, have a dentist appt. Need to pick something up. Etc. I'm not going back to Ludlow until AFTER the fashion show. I feel so pressured by this thing right now... it's looming over my head, only a month away, and most of my costumes are still pieces of fabric on the floor. I'm TIRED of hearing about how I have to do all this work for AnimeBoston, because the truth of it all is, I don't. Jen CONSTANTLY reminds me I'm not a staffer. Shoves it in my face that I have no official ties. That I shouldn't know ANYTHING. So fine. I'm just too tired to listen anymore...
Sometimes, you wake up, and you just want to think about NOTHING. Not a single conflict, not a single assignment, not anything that might disrupt your day. And because of that, EVERYTHING gets done.... I haven't had one of those days in a long long time.